It is strange. The last three months have taken me on this intense, emotional, roller coaster ride of sorts, and I’ve changed completely, changed back, and now I’m changing again. I can never be steadfast in what I do. In fact, it’s what one might call my tragic flaw. I am ever shifting, ever changing, seeking out a person who can help me become what I want to be, but never finding that person. I’m unable to decide my own beliefs, values, aspirations. I hurt people, and I don’t even care. I’m selfish to the point where my own family doesn’t want to be around me anymore. Frankly, I don’t want to be around them. I’ve felt like an outsider in my own house for too long anyways. I’m an embarrassment to my parents, my own sister tells me I am pursuing a useless path in life, and that wanting to learn things that don’t lead to a “career” won’t pay the bills. I’m so tired of this all.
To be honest, I don’t want to change for anyone else except myself. It would help if I could figure out what I’m trying to be though.
