this journal will probably be kind of exclusively for you now.

I’m sitting here now, and eating chocolate and listening to NIN and kind of digging life right now, because I’m talking to you, eric.  It was nice to be able to show this to you.  and now I’m kind of confused as to what to write in here.  I don’t know.  I guess it will take a bit of effort to write in that sort of free style when no one read this.  I also hate writing in first person, well the kind that is like this.  It’s too now.   Thank you for coming over today.  no.  I’m not going write like this.  Too much like a letter.  Starting again:

He came over today.  I was dying, the smallest things seem to set me off lately.  It’s a part of  living on your own and going to school and working and trying to manage cooking and living and due dates and bills and paycheques and everything.  It’s something that drags you down like crazy.  But he shows up, and seriously, it just all goes away.  And as much as escaping doesn’t solve the problem, it feels so good to escape.  My own little world with the person I love.  It’s amazing how absolutely nothing matters when he kisses me, the fact that I still get butterflies after he does.

It scares me that I’m so sick and gross and icky all the time, that my entire body is falling apart and that no matter how hard I try to manage everything, there is always something I forget.  And it scares me because I don’t know how I’ll keep managing like this.  I’m hoping the summer makes things better.  And I’m counting down till I can appreciate it.  I’m just looking forward to the time to read for leisure and make my brain happy again and make everything better.

He makes everything better.